It's Getting Better

Visit With the Bishop

2012-01-17T17:41:00.001-06:00

My wife got an email last week from her (I don't say our anymore) home teacher wanting to know if he and the bishop could stop by and visit with the two of us. The current bishop has been serving for a couple of years. I had never met him since he moved into the ward after I stopped attending.

To keep peace, I said that would be fine and we set up and appointment for Saturday, something that I immediately regretted. There is something about having to talk to an LDS authority figure that turns me into a cowering three year old. As the week progressed, I got more and more nervous about the meeting. I was so nervous I could not concentrate at work. I thought if they called to postpone, I would tell them to forget it, I didn't want to prolong the agony.

The time came, we met, and actually had a pleasant chat. I think that they were as nervous as I was. Several years ago, a counselor in our bishopric came to visit. Long story, but I ended the meeting by calling him a f*cking a*hole.

At the end of the visit, the home teacher asked if I still prayer and studied the scriptures. I smile and told him that, yes indeed I did. I then went on to say that I had started attending another church a few years back, and was currently serving in a lay ministerial position. The real title is deacon, but when talking to an LDS member, it doesn't sound like a very serious position. It also so happens that I am standing for election to the board of directors of my church this coming Sunday. I guess that put the damper on their plan to invite me back to LDS services.

When the bishop asked me which church, I told him I would rather not say. It isn't really his business, I attend MCC and I didn't want to get into the whole gay thing in that interview.

Are Mormons Christians?

2012-01-02T09:03:00.004-06:00

I had lunch with one of the pastors at my local MCC last month. She gets a lot of calls from GLBT folks who are conflicted about their sexuality, and she gets a fair number of calls from closeted members of the LDS church.

I am a deacon at our church, and she knows that I used to be LDS, so she suggested that we got to lunch so I could answer some of her questions. Her big question was do I consider Mormons to be Christians? I told her that my answer had to be yes, but they are a different kind of Christian from mainstream protestant churches. When I was a missionary, we stressed that we were different from the Catholic church or protestant churches. I still think that it is true. I also reminded her that many mainstream Christians would probably say that MCC is not really Christian also.

Waiting for Vince

2012-01-02T08:54:00.001-06:00

I have been following a series on Nifty called Waiting For Vince. It the story of a gay man who is love with his life long straight friend. Being fiction, they do eventually hook up when they are both in their fifties.

I totally understand the feelings of the protagonist. My LDS life was a study in unrequited love. As long as I fell in lust with unavailable straight men, I was going to be safe.

Of my twelve missionary companions, I fell totally head-over-heals in love with at least four of them.
Ditto with some of my roommates at BYU. When I finally got engaged to a woman during my last year of grad school, some of them expressed surprise as well as relief. I suppose I wasn't hiding my attraction as well as I thought I was.
I was a counselor in three bishoprics. In the second bishopric, I became obsessed with the other counselor. Luckily for both of us, the bishop moved and I got assigned to the high council.
In my last bishopric, I was assigned to work with the single adults. That was a problem because some of the men were so incredibly attractive.
I became a mentor to a younger man at work.

My last LDS church calling was Sunday School president. I was new in the ward, and the bishop suggested that I should use on of my neighbors as a counselor. This man was recently divorced and had custody of his two teenaged children. As we got to know each other, I developed a crush on him. It took awhile, but there was something new this time, he also had a crush on me. That was the beginning of the end.

Calling

2011-11-05T15:45:00.002-05:00

Rumor has it that I am about to be issued a call to work in our stakes Family History Center. Among some there is a joke that gay men are either called to be the organist or serve in the Family History Center. Truth be told, I have done both, but neither well.

Back in the day, I was just chock full of the spirit of Elijah, and spent a lot of time going genealogy as it was known back then and temple work. It was all part of the 'displacing the gay away' program I thought if I kept busy enough with the Lord's work I wouldn't have time to enough to be gay. As it turned out, this wasn't a totally successful plan.

When I was in my mid 30s, sometime during the mid 80s, I was attending the Dallas temple at least twice a week. This was in addition to serving on the high council. On one of those visits, I ran into someone who had been in my mission. He was still single, and still gorgeous. I guess this is before that stopped letting single men over a certain age serve as temple workers. Long story short, I became obsessed over this hunky ordinance worker. When he knelt at the altar in his form fitting white trousers, it was all I could do to keep from swooning. See the second definition below.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Swooning
swooned, swoon·ing, swoons
1. To faint.
2. To be overwhelmed by ecstatic joy.

It turned out for the best I assume, he had a schedule change and I never ran into him again.

I am of course not going to accept the calling. I already have, for lack of a better word, callings in my own church now. The spirit of Elijah has departed, and I really no longer care about my own family history, let alone the family history of anyone else. If anyone actually does extend the call, I will be polite, but firm. I haven't attended LDS services on a regular basis for over fifteen years now, I would have thought would have been a clue.

New Church Calling

2011-10-30T15:08:00.003-05:00

My wife told me today that someone asked her at church if she thought I would accept a calling at the stake genealogical library. Twenty years ago I actually did volunteer at the library, but a lot of water has gone under the bridge. She told them that they could go ahead and ask me, despite the following reasons:

I have not attended LDS services in over 15 years.
I hate being called Brother Lastname.
I am queer.
My wife and I have to provide 24/7 care for our son with autism.
I joined another church almost four years ago.
I am now a deacon in that church.
That church is MCC.
I don't believe in LDS temple work.
I think that doing work for the dead is kind of creepy and arrogant.

Maybe I should just resign from the church.

Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress

2011-10-18T16:41:00.000-05:00

Except in my case it would be my boyfriend.

Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress:

(A waitress friend of mine has a couple who regularly comes in and jokes a lot together. One day, the man comes in with a different woman. This occurs as she’s getting ready to give them their check.)

Waitress: “You come back soon!”

Male customer: “I will.”

Waitress: *joking* “Oh, and you better be careful or I’ll have to tell your wife you were here with another woman.”

Female customer: “I am his wife. Who has he been here with?”

Waitress: “…I’ll take care of your check now.”

Theater: '14' examines violent therapy for gay Mormons in the 1970s

2011-10-16T11:08:00.001-05:00

Good piece about a play based upon John Clarence Cameron's experience with electro-shock therapy treatment at BYU during the 1970s.

Mr. Cameron is a lot more forgiving than I think I would be. I attended BYU during the 1970s also, but I was totally in the closet at the time. I am so glad I didn't see out help from my branch president.

Money quote "I'm not interested in ... blaming them for the personal struggles I faced after the therapy ended," Cameron said. "Some may say that the Church's oppressive attitudes against homosexuality drove me to my decision and so 'forced' me to do the therapy. I don't believe this to be true. You have to remember that in 1974, the whole world was pretty much anti-gay. You could lose your job, your home, even your life (for being part) of a sub-group that was considered prurient and deviant."

Lying for the Lord

2011-10-15T10:54:00.003-05:00

Great article by James Peron from the Huffington Post titled Gay Marriage Poll Touted by Mormons Seems Dubious. IMHO, this is a must read.

In short, the Deseret News published an article claiming that two thirds of folks polled say that they are against Gay Marriage. This of course is in contrast with other recent polls.

I would guess that the readership of the Deseret News is comforted by this type of reporting. When I was an active Mormon, I was under the apparently mistaken notion that speaking the truth was important. Maybe that has been replaced with feeding the flock pablum.

Pray The Gay To Stay

2011-10-14T12:36:00.000-05:00

Pray The Gay To Stay:

(Call Center | Melbourne, Australia)

(We run a number of programs to help parents of children with special needs, so they can access services. We occasionally also give out parenting advice.)

Caller: “Can you tell me what makes someone gay?”

Me: “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

Caller: “Gay. What makes someone gay?”

Me: “Ma’am, if your child is gay, nothing ‘made’ them gay. And being gay is certainly not a disability.”

Caller: “Of course it’s not a disability! What kind of disgusting person thinks being gay is a disability?”

Me: “Then why do you want to know what makes someone gay?”

Caller: “I want to make my son gay. I would love to have a gay child. I’m very open minded!”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t make someone gay. If your son is straight, you can’t change that.”

Caller: “Well, I see on the news all the time about how single parent families have gay kids. I am a single mother, but I still don’t think he’s gay.”

Me: “Um–”

Caller: “Should I show him pictures of gay men having sex?”

Me: *stunned* “Um…I doubt that’s a good idea. You would just confuse him, and possibly scare him. Can I ask how old your son is?”

Caller: “He’s three. I want him to be gay before he goes to school. So if gay porn would scare him, should I show him straight porn? I really really want a gay son.”

Me: “Ma’am, you cannot show a 3 year old porn of any kind! You can’t control your son’s sexuality!”

Caller: “You don’t understand. I’m very open minded! You must just be homophobic.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m gay!”

Caller: “Then why won’t you help me? Don’t you want my son to be gay? He’d be such a good gay man!”

Respect

2011-07-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

I read a super post at Dad's Primal Scream Blog about respect, and how it is a one way street for some Mormons.

I was struck by the following quote from his post. I have often thought the same, but I had trouble putting my thoughts into words as well as he does.

Nothing is more out of earshot than the Mormon temple for example. Only faithful believers can enter. Until 1990 the Mormon temple endowment (a reenactment of the creation & Adam/Eve myths on film; the ceremony I was introduced to) included the character of a protestant priest who was a bumbling fool and tool of Satan. It was incredibly disrespectful and yet I don’t know one Mormon who would admit it. It was essentially OK to portray other Christian religions and priests as fools in private. At church on Sundays we would pat ourselves on the back for not speaking ill of other religions and then we’d go to the temple and sit numbly by as we dissed the whole of Christianity in the temple.

I go to MCC nowadays. The clergy there all wear the same kind of collar as the priest in the earlier temple movies. Even though I don't believe in the Mormon church anymore and it has been a long time since I have attended the temple, the lesson about the protestant minister still sticks in my head.

The great Jesus swindle

2011-03-31T15:26:00.000-05:00

Why I don't attend LDS services anymore

2011-03-30T21:12:00.000-05:00

I am so glad I kept my mouth shut.

Mormon 'Gay Cure' Study Used Electric Shocks Against Homosexual Feelings
ABC News
"I thought he was my savior," said Cameron, who enrolled with 13 other willing subjects, allMormons who thought they might be gay, for a three- to six-month course of therapy. A mercury-filled tube was placed around the base of the penis and the ...

Ramblings on Japan and Six Lessons Learned

2011-03-27T11:05:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed reading this. I was a missionary in Japan, so I saw things a little differently, but I have to agree with his conclusions. Click the link to see the entire piece.

Ramblings on Japan and Six Lessons Learned: "

I love Japan.

I lived for a year in Japan. No, it’s not where I served a Mormon mission. I did that in Brazil. Upon graduating from BYU I took a job teaching English in Japan for a year. It was a wonderful time in my life and my heart was devastated upon learning of the recent tragedy there.

KILLER CONFESSES: I Stoned That Homo To Death Just Like The Bible Says I Should

2011-03-18T13:40:00.000-05:00

For the bible tells me so. This is actually the logical conclusion of what can happen when people keep hearing homophobes preaching hate from the bible.

KILLER CONFESSES: I Stoned That Homo To Death Just Like The Bible Says I Should: "A Pennsylvania man is under arrest after confessing to beating an elderly man to death with a stone, just like the Bible instructs should be done with homosexuals.

A 28-year-old Upper Darby man has been charged with murder after telling police that he stoned a 70-year-old man to death when the man made homosexual advances toward him, authorities say. John Joe Thomas, 28, of Sunshine Road in Upper Darby, spent almost every day with 70-year-old Murray Seidman at Seidman’s Lansdowne home, police say. Days before Seidman’s body was found on Jan. 12, Thomas allegedly beat Seidman to death with a sock full of rocks. Thomas told authorities that he read in the Old Testament that homosexuals should be stoned to death. When Seidman allegedly made homosexual advances toward him over a period of time, Thomas said he received a message in his prayers that he must end Seidman’s life, according to court documents. Police say that Thomas struck Seidman in the head about 10 times with the sock of rocks. Thomas left Seidman dead in his apartment, and then threw his bloody clothing and the bloody sock in a dumpster, according to authorities.

The killer was the sole executor of the victim's will and returned to to the scene of the murder several days later claiming to have discovered the body.

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christian, more christian, most christian

2011-03-04T11:58:00.000-06:00

Some folks want to dress up their hatred and homophobia by using nice words, but it comes out about the same.

The Social Conservatism Of The Damned

2011-03-01T17:59:00.000-06:00

A great post.

Years back when the church came out with The Family: A Proclamation to the World, one of the counselors in the bishopric read it aloud to the congregation in Sacrament meeting. I couldn't help thinking that it was odd that this man, who was on his third marriage, was worthy enough to stand up and condemn others.

I do think a lot of people can excuse their own short comings by reminding themselves that at least they aren't homosexual. I think that some who preach loudest have the most short comings.

By contrast, “don’t make out with another dude” is really easy for most dudes. It’s very hard for some, of course, but most people aren’t gay and thus have absolutely no difficulty adhering to moral injunctions against gayness. A political movement that ran around talking about the sanctity of marriage and how divorce should be illegal and divorced people should be disgraced and run out of public life would have trouble catching fire. But almost everyone can stand up for “traditional morality” on the cheap by heaping scorn on a relatively small minority.

What Have I Really Lost?

2011-02-26T15:20:00.000-06:00

Great piece from a favorite blogger. I stopped thinking in Mormon some time ago also.

What Have I Really Lost?: "Over the past few weeks since my big friend fallout on Facebook, I've been thinking about what happened with the breakdown in communication. Why did it break down? And why did it break down so badly? I had a lapse in good judgment, vented publicly some old hurts, didn't use the best choice of words, and managed to offend some, despite the fact that none of it had been directed at them or anyone

Congrats, Savage Lovers

2011-02-22T09:46:00.000-06:00

When I read this post from Dan Savage, when he was describing Rick Santorum, I couldn't help but think that Santorum and the LDS church have a lot in common. They might use nicer words than 'dog fuckers' and 'kiddie rapists,' but they are saying the same thing.

Congrats, Savage Lovers: "

A 'Savage Love' reader suggested the contest, 'Savage Love' readers came up with a number of proposed new definitions, 'Savage Love' readers picked the definition, 'Savage Love' readers demonstrated how the new definition could be used in a sentence, and "Savage Love" readers—fairly and honestly (I have no idea how one "Goggle bombs" something)—drove Spreading Santorum up in the Google rankings. (No money changed hands, Dan Lemon—we didn't pay Google a thing. Spreading Santorum rose through the Google ranks on links-and-merit alone.)

All of that went down in 2003. Eight years later Rick Santorum is running for president and he's got a 'Google problem.' Good job, guys.

And you have to love how Santorum is out there mewling about being the victim here and about civility—this from the man who compared people in stable, loving same-sex relationships to dog fuckers and kiddie rapists, this from a man who would make gay and straight sodomy illegal, ban gay marriage and any other protections for same-sex couples, and prevent loving same-sex couples from adopting children who need homes. This from a man who would literally destroy my family if it were within in his power to do so. And the 'Savage Love' gang? All we did was make a dirty joke at his expense. There has been no effort to strip Rick Santorum of his civil rights, no moves to nullify his marriage, no one has suggested that his children be taken out of his home, no one is trying to prevent him from having more children. No one has compared Rick Santorum to a dog fucker or a pedophile. Compared to Rick Santorum, my readers and I have been models of decorum and restraint.

And don't think you're fooling us, Rick. Now that you're running for president—eight years after we redefined "santorum"—you're whining to attract a little attention to your campaign and because your advisors think that maybe you'll get a little traction playing the pansy-assed victim card, à la Sarah Palin, and rake in a few bucks. Oh, look at all that mean gay dude—one of the guys I want to oppress—he's picking on meeeeeeeeeee!

Boodely-hoodely, Ricky.

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Makes Me Wonder

2011-02-19T10:18:00.000-06:00

I think that this cartoon makes some good points. I think that people give God too much credit sometimes, and not enough other times.

Kind of like the testimony building moments when I was an active member of the LDS church. I would see the things that reinforced my beliefs, and either ignore or discount the things that were contrary to my beliefs.

Prayers Answered and Unanswered

2011-02-16T22:42:00.000-06:00

In an email to my congregation, our pastor asked us to send her some of our thoughts and experiences concerning prayer. Here is part of what I wrote.

It wasn't until I got into a 12-step program that I started to realize that there is a difference between God and Santa Claus. I moved from giving God my list of non-negotiable demands to more of a place of asking for 'Thy will be done.'

I believe that all of my prayers are answered, and that sometimes the answer is no or not now. Like many people, I prayed, fasted, and gave as much church service as I could in order for God to remove my attraction to people of the same sex. The attraction was not lifted, but my heart and mind were changed so that I realized that what I had thought was a curse was in fact a blessing.

After I sent the email, I reflected, again, that all of my prayers to become straight were answered, but not in the way that I thought they would be. I am no less gay than I ever was, but I now believe that it is fine.

Iowa grandmother speaks in favor of gay marriage

2011-02-15T12:58:00.000-06:00

I liked the part where she explains her own journey in accepting gay marriage and her gay son.

It's Getting Better

2011-02-15T12:55:00.000-06:00

I just renamed my old blog Gay Mormon Dad to It's Getting Better, because things are getting better for me.

Some of the stuff I want to write about does have to do with the fact that I am still technically a member of the LDS church and what that means. The other part is about how my life is changing since I have stopped attending LDS services and have started a new church life.

Bingo

2011-02-07T11:39:00.000-06:00

With slight modifications, this would work for LDS folks.

Sounds Familiar

2011-02-06T11:16:00.000-06:00

Especially the part about the authority figures. In Mormonese, that would be the Brethren.

Barbara Bush—George Bush's Daughter—Supports Marriage Equality!

2011-02-01T14:00:00.000-06:00

Barbara Bush—George Bush's Daughter—Supports Marriage Equality!: "

Amazing! Wonderful! Awesome! And in other news...

Actual Republican elected officials move to ban gay marriage in Washington D.C.

Actual Republican elected officials move to ban gay marriage in Iowa.

Actual Republican elected officials move to ban gay marriage in New Mexico.

Actual Republican elected officials move to ban gay marriage in Wyoming.

Actual Republican elected officials move to ban gay marriage in New Hampshire.

Actual Republican elected officials in Florida plot to enforce ban on adoptions by gay couples despite the law having been declared unconstitutional by the courts.

Actual Republican elected officials will block gay marriage in New York State despite polls showing solid majority of New Yorkers favor marriage equality.

Actual Republican elected officials seek to block repeal of DADT.

Actual Republican elected officials pulling out of CPAC to presence of gays.

Those useful, pole-smoking idiots at GOProud will point to Barbara Bush's position on marriage equality as proof that today's GOP is whole lot less anti-gay than yesterday's GOP. Don't fall for it. What Cindy McCain, Megan McCain, and the Bush twins think of gay marriage—what all the relatives of GOP elected officials think of gay marriage—is pretty close to irrelevant. If you want to know where the GOP is at on gay rights, pay attention to what actual Republican elected officials are doing.

Can we stop falling for this shit, please?

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They Gloat

2011-01-26T12:07:00.000-06:00

Mormons of course don't believe that of course. Once you die, someone does the work for you, and then you are saved.

Outside a church in Salisbury, MD

(From TripAdvisor)

Study finds significant anti-gay workplace discrimination in Utah - ChicagoPride.com

2011-01-19T10:27:00.000-06:00

Sadly, not much of a surprise.

Study finds significant anti-gay workplace discrimination in Utah
ChicagoPride.com
... to Utah's 104 legislators Wednesday morning found significant anti-gay bias and discrimination in the state, which is home to the Mormon Church. ...

and more »

Where did I come from? Why am I here?

2011-01-15T11:52:00.000-06:00

Super post from Dad's Primal Scream Blog. I used to think that my only choices as a gay Mormon were to stay temple worthy or end up dying of AIDS. Glad I know there are a lot more choices now.

Gay Man And Straight Woman Marry For University Art Project, Slammed By Christians

2011-01-14T10:14:00.000-06:00

If they get married in a Mormon temple, then they are doing it because they have faith and are being obedient to God's law.

"A gay man and a straight woman who married each other for a university art project were today criticised for mocking the sanctity of marriage."

The Ex-Gay Jesus-Fix-It Perpetual Emotion Machine

2011-01-14T10:12:00.000-06:00

Boy, can I relate to this. Being told that I should pray and fast. After all, Spencer W. Kimball, President of the Church from 1973-1985, said the door leading to heterosexuality would be opened for homosexuals, yet we must knock at that door “until your knuckles are bloody, till your head is bruised. It can be done."

The Ex-Gay Jesus-Fix-It Perpetual Emotion Machine: "

You say a prayer. You begin by begging forgiveness, by confessing the ongoing falls from grace, the failures, acknowledging the worthlessness of being one of the many who 'have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.' You know you cannot fight this temptation on your own, and you pray that God will deliver you from it.

Continue reading 'The Ex-Gay Jesus-Fix-It Perpetual Emotion Machine'...

God’s Leading = My Desire

2011-01-13T12:55:00.000-06:00

God’s Leading = My Desire: "

Great post. My mother pulls this shit sometimes.

Fundogelicals often do that, as if saying it’s a directive from god makes it more authoritative: god told me to do this, so if you have the means to help me make it happen then you’re obligated to help me.

Filed under: ethics, religion "

The LDS Church's Unequal Treatment of Gay and Feminist Activists - Huffington Post (blog)

2011-01-10T20:39:00.000-06:00

Good piece by Holly Welker.

The LDS Church's Unequal Treatment of Gay and Feminist Activists - Huffington Post (blog): "

The LDS Church's Unequal Treatment of Gay and Feminist Activists
Huffington Post (blog)
My first piece here at the Huffington Post listed some of the Mormon "pioneers" I would like to see march in the Pioneer Day Parade of my dreams. ...

Single, Female, Mormon, Alone - New York Times

2011-01-07T14:08:00.000-06:00

My heart goes out to this woman. She figured out that she has more in common with gay men than she thought.

Single, Female, Mormon, Alone
New York Times
So why wasn't I dating Mormon men? In a nutshell, the pool is small, and people marry young, for obvious reasons. The leftovers were left over: closeted gay ...

and more »

Gareth Thomas - It Gets Better

2011-01-06T10:37:00.000-06:00

Excellent clip. I could be wrong, but I think this is the first one that I have seen that was done by someone who was heterosexually married.

Gareth Thomas - It Gets Better: "

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Faux Papa

2011-01-05T11:45:00.000-06:00

No use wasting money then....

Faux Papa: "

(Retail | PA, USA)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store name], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello! I was just wondering if I could return something to your store.”

Me: “Sure! That is no problem. Do you still have the receipt?”

Caller: “Yes I do.”

Me: “Than that should be no problem. Feel free to bring it in.”

Caller: “Oh thank you so much. You see, I bought it for my son’s new baby, but it turns out that it’s not his…”

Families Are Forever?

2011-01-04T21:58:00.000-06:00

I came across an interesting post at the blog Seeking Desideratum. I was kind of struck by the following excerpt from the post.

Most of my extended family are not involved in the church. My in-laws are for the most part, very strong believers in the church, but even they have never expressed anything like this, at least to my face.

His father kept telling him there are "consequences to his actions" and cited the dogma that every Mormon holds, that they would no longer be a family in the eternities, and so the familial relationships on earth are rendered meaningless.

Seeking the True Church

2011-01-03T13:13:00.000-06:00

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-dr-cindi-love/has-anyone-seen-the-true-_b_802673.html

In the true church, the first impulse of leadership is to serve, never to diminish. In the true church, the focus is on serving the Other -- the excluded, the isolated, the disenfranchised. In the true church, children are safe, people in jail are visited and elders are not forgotten and hungry people get fed -- no strings attached. In the true church, labels can be left at the door because the only label that matters is "loved." The true church is devoted to ecumenism and not afraid of the existence of different opinions about the many and varied expressions of faith. The true church serves a God of many names who is big enough to love everyone. The true church is not in the business of policing the moral lives of its members.

Carolyn Hax - Readers' advice: Setting curfews, deciding to live together

2010-12-31T21:48:00.000-06:00

Could just as well be said about gays.

"And if God's opinion, blessing or not, is truly important to anyone involved here, it is important to remember that God loves a sinner and understands the actions and motivations of this kind of 'sin,' ESPECIALLY if it is the choice of a person of faith, one who is routinely in conversation with God. People need to do what will make themselves happy as long as they can live with their OWN decisions and THEIR understanding of God's requirements of them.

- Sent using Google Toolbar"

Update On The Burglarizing Pastor

2010-12-29T10:51:00.000-06:00

Update On The Burglarizing Pastor: "On Sunday's edition of This Week In Holy Crimes, we learned about the Dallas pastor caught breaking into a congregant's home to steal her fur coats. The interwebs has been having a field day about it and that will only ramp up with Pastor Sandy McGriff's explanation that she was only taking the coats so that the other burglars she saw wouldn't get them.

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Cutting Remarks

2010-12-26T15:24:00.000-06:00

Frightening

(Library | Greenville, SC, USA)

Student: “I need to write a five-paragraph essay for my English class. Can you help me find some books?”

Me: “Okay, what’s your topic?”

Student: “I thought I’d write it about Jesus.”

Me: “Maybe you could narrow it down? Why don’t you choose a Bible verse that inspires you and write about that?”

Student: “Thanks! You’re so sweet! If I cut you, you’d bleed syrup.”

Me: “I…thank you?”

On The Red Eye For The Red Nose

2010-12-25T15:03:00.000-06:00

On The Red Eye For The Red Nose: "

(Airline | USA)

(It is Christmas Eve and I am stewarding an overnight flight. A mother is traveling with her two young children, both of whom are crowding around the window.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your children will both have to take their seats shortly.”

Mother: “Oh, it’s okay. They’re just keeping an eye out for Santa.”

Me: “Oh how lovely!”

Mother: “Are they looking out the right side of the plane?”

Me: *playing along* “They might get lucky if they keep an eye out, but since we’re about to serve the evening meal, they will need to take their seats.”

Mother: *totally serious* “No! They might miss Santa!”

Me: “Uh… well ma’am I think you’ll be alright for the moment.”

Mother: “But we can’t miss Santa! I want them to see the reindeer!”

Me: “Alright, but if they want to eat their meal they will need to sit in their seats.”

(I walk roughly two rows down the aisle when another passenger grabs my attention.)

Passenger: “I don’t care how crazy that mother is, don’t tell them the truth! It’s the only thing that’s been keeping those brats quiet all night!”

History

2010-12-24T09:19:00.000-06:00

History: "

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Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T08:45:00.002-06:00

I really wish I was spending it with a man.

One of the reasons I have stayed married all these years is because I was afraid of being alone. Especially during the holidays. I chat with some of my gay friends and they say how their children are spending the day with their mothers and all. I on the other hand will be spending the day with my youngest son driving him around because he goes completely batshit on Christmas.

A Shining Star of Activism in the Arizona Desert

2010-12-20T14:27:00.000-06:00

Makes me wonder if he is a Mormon or not. What a fantastic young man.

A Shining Star of Activism in the Arizona Desert: "

Caleb Laieski, a brilliant, 16-year-old dynamo from the town of Surprise, Arizona is a one-man force for equality and safety for all school children in our state. I don't think there's anyone like him in our whole nation. I'm giving him my Arizona GLBT Activist of the Year Award...a well-deserved honor.

With the help of the Arizona ACLU, Caleb successfully fought to have his Willow Canyon High School's discrimination policies revised. But he didn't stop there.

A child of the Internet age, on December 1st in a 12-hour non-stop barrage of 3,000 emails Caleb put all individual schools and school districts in our state on notice. He didn't stop there.

Notices were also sent to local city councils, county commissioners, legislators (state and federal) within each district, along with the State Department of Education, Attorney General's office, and the Office of the Governor. So that no one in the state was missed, at the same time he sent a press release to all news outlets in the state.

Continue reading 'A Shining Star of Activism in the Arizona Desert'...

Yukon Not Believe This Juan, Part 2

2010-12-20T12:08:00.000-06:00

Yukon Not Believe This Juan, Part 2: "

(Military | Richmond, VA, USA)

(Canadian Army Reservists go to Fort Pickett in Virginia to train with the National Guard. I am in the last flight out of the U.S. and back to Nova Scotia. I am in my uniform, waiting for to be processed through security when a fellow traveler approaches me.)

Traveler: “Thank you so much for protecting us! We are so proud of the bravery of soldiers defending the United States!”

Me: “Thank you ma’am, but I’m not an American. I’m from the Canadian Army.”

(She looks confused, so I point to the small Canadian flag on my shoulder.)

Me: “You know, your friendly neighbours to the north?”

Traveler: “Oh! Mexico!”

Related:

Yukon Not Believe This Juan

Salvation Army Trashes Harry Potter Toys

2010-12-09T12:26:00.000-06:00

Salvation Army Trashes Harry Potter Toys: "Saying that the toys violate the organization's Christian beliefs, the Salvation Army is throwing all donated Harry Potter items in the garbage. Anything related to the Twilight movies goes in the trash too.

'I asked if these toys went to another charitable organizations but was told no, that by passing these toys on to another agency for distribution would be supporting these toys,' said the man, who wouldn't give his name due to his occupation. The man called himself an admirer of the Salvation Army and was impressed by the massive quantity of toys collected in city malls, schools and police stations through the Toy Mountain campaign. But he questioned why the charity would be sifting out Harry Potter and Twilight toys, which involve sorcery and vampire themes, respectively. 'I was told to withhold a six-inch Harry Potter figure, but when I picked up a plastic M-16, I was told, 'That's for the 10-year-olds,'' he said. 'I was shocked...war-themed toys and toys from TV shows and movies with far more violence than Harry Potter and these were considered appropriate toys?'

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turn

2010-12-07T11:44:00.000-06:00

turn: "

This is becoming a cause for concern.

Visit Jesus & Mo.

Portland Rescue Mission Wants Your Winter Coats and Sweaters ... Unless You're Gay

2010-12-03T16:40:00.000-06:00

I guess beggars can be choosers.

Portland Rescue Mission Wants Your Winter Coats and Sweaters ... Unless You're Gay: "

So to keep track. The Portland Rescue Mission, which has a mission statement including 'a tireless commitment to breaking the cycle of homelessness,' does not want to work in partnership with LGBT festivals or organizations to break the cycle of homelessness. So fighting poverty and homelessness has now become a battle only straight people can wage?

Photo credit: Oggie Dog

There was a time this would have made me mad.

2010-12-03T10:09:00.000-06:00

note: "

Can Joe Smith really have been such a transparent fraud? Yup.

Visit Jesus & Mo.

Great Minds

2010-09-30T12:17:00.000-05:00

the golden rule

from atheistcartoons.com by admin

Prayer Fails & Subsequent Lies

2010-08-22T22:28:00.000-05:00

While I go to church most weeks and pray, I am still amused by the antics of some of the religious crazies.

I was totally fascinated by this blog post. I have to admit that I didn't even know who Ingersoll was.

Here is the first paragraph.

I learned recently that The Salvation Army was once involved in a grand plan to convert Robert G. Ingersoll, America’s Great Infidel, to Christianity. For some reason, that story never made it into the Junior Soldier curriculum. I doubt that it will make it into future editions either, since the scheme failed miserably.

Prop 8, Judge Walker and the Biblical View of Marriage Equality

2010-08-18T11:01:00.000-05:00

Very interesting piece in Huffington Post today by Rita Nakashima Brock, Ph. D. I am not even going to begin to give a synopsis.

I have to say that I haven't put much thought into what marriage must have been like in Jesus' time. I suppose that I had depended on LDS inspired bible stories from Primary.

Tweet from Tweetcaster

2010-08-14T16:39:00.001-05:00

@Pam_Spaulding: At #PHB: Inalienable Rights: Perry V Schwarzenegger - There is a lot of discussion going on about the recent decisio... http://ow.ly/18zoB5
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How Dummies Protect Marriage

2010-07-17T21:36:00.000-05:00

Random Thoughts on Fasting

2010-07-03T12:46:00.000-05:00

I have a grandson that was just released from the burn unit in Salt Lake City. I have of course been praying for him and I have asked some of the people that I am close to at MCC to pray for him also. I get emails from TBMs indicating that they have been fasting and praying also, which I appreciate, but it made me stop and wonder. Does fasting mean that you really, really want to God to answer your prayers? That if you go hungry, you prove that you are serious about this?

Reminds me of some of my in-laws

2010-07-01T21:59:00.001-05:00

For all the brave Mormons

2010-07-01T12:14:00.002-05:00

How to troll Fred Phelps

2010-06-13T14:59:00.002-05:00

Genesis – Jesus He Knows Me

2010-06-12T13:09:00.001-05:00

[Link] http://unreasonablefaith.com/2010/06/12/genesis-jesus-he-knows-me/

Genesis – Jesus He Knows Me

Phil Collins vs Television Evangelists:

Lyrics:

You see the face on the TV screen
coming at you every Sunday
see that face on the billboard
that man is me

On the cover of the magazine
there's no question why I'm smiling
you buy a piece of paradise
you get a piece of me

I'll get you everything you wanted
I'll get you everything you need
don't need to believe in hereafter
just believe in me

Cos Jesus he knows me
and he knows I'm right
I've been talking to Jesus all my life
oh yes he knows me
and he knows I'm right
and he's been telling me
everything is alright

I believe in the family
with my ever loving wife beside me
but she don't know about my girlfriend
or the man I met last night

Do you believe in God
cos that's what I'm selling
and if you wanna get to heaven
I'll see you right

You won't even have to leave your house
or get out of your chair
you don't even have to touch that dial
cos I'm everywhere

Won't find me practising what I'm preaching
won't find me making no sacrifice
but I can get you a pocketful of miracles
if you promise to be good, try to be nice
God will take good care of you
just do as I say, don't do as I do

I'm counting my blessings,
I've found true happiness
cos I'm getting richer, day by day
you can find me in the phone book,
just call my toll free number
you can do it anyway you want
just do it right away

There'll be no doubt in your mind
you'll believe everything I'm saying
if you wanna get closer to him
get on your knees and start paying

- via Feeddler RSS Reader

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Chutzpah - Weddings

2010-06-07T15:52:00.000-05:00

From Dear Prudie. I thought her answer was right on.

New York City: This is kind of a weird one. My partner and I are a long-term, committed gay couple. Last summer, we celebrated our fifth anniversary by holding a commitment ceremony at a friend's summer home. I invited my very large extended family (aunts, uncles, all 29 of my first cousins and their children, etc.) as is the custom in our family, expecting that many of them would not be able to make it. (The ceremony was held on Long Island at the home of my partner's parents, while my family lives in Indiana.)

Most of my family sent their regrets, and about a dozen of them made the trip. Now, I have been out to my family for more than a decade, and my coming out was a complete nonevent for my pretty progressive family, which is why I was a little shocked at the reaction of one of my cousins to our invitation. While she said nothing to me, she apparently confronted my mother and said that I was making a mockery of the institution of marriage, etc. Now, it's worth noting that this cousin has married into a pretty conservative family, though she had never before expressed any feelings—good, bad, or indifferent—about gays, as far as I knew.

This all blew over. However, a couple of weeks ago, I received an invitation to her son's wedding. She made it clear, through our family grapevine, that my partner was not invited and should not attend. I RSVP'd no (it's worth noting that my partner has been invited to and attended other family weddings) and sent a letter to my cousin's son congratulating him and saying that I regretted I could not join him for the wedding.

Over this past weekend, I received an e-mail from my cousin that said, aw shucks, it's too bad I can't come to her son's wedding, but here are their wedding registries, and please send along a gift as soon as you can.

Prudie, I don't want to send her son a gift. He's nice enough, but I don't really know him well. If another relative of this extraction had a wedding that I couldn't attend, I probably wouldn't send one. And I don't want to make a stink about it or blame him, but his mother's hostility toward me over the past years has not made me inclined to treat her requests with anything but anger.

I know the textbook etiquette rule is that one need only decline an invitation with your regrets, but am I doing the right thing?

Emily Yoffe: Let's see, this cousin declared your partner is not welcome at her son's wedding, but your gift is. I would say that pretty much gets you off the hook of incurring any obligation for this wedding. Although to give the next generation the benefit of the doubt, you don't actually know if the cousin's son agrees with Mom or simply doesn't know about her maneuverings. Your further silence seems like an appropriate response. However, you might be tempted to send Mom her own gift: Jonathan Rauch's book, Gay Marriage: Why It Is Good for Gays, Good for Straights, and Good for America."

Stuff God Can't Do

2010-05-28T16:36:00.000-05:00

I especially liked the bottom right hand example.

APA v Evergreen/NARTH

2010-05-16T15:12:00.000-05:00

Great post.

The American Psychological Association has a Web-based pamphlet with basic, factual information about homosexuality. (Also in PDF.) It's a good introduction and something that you could point your friends and family to.

One of the things it addresses is the fact that sexual orientation is distinct the masculine/feminine gender spectrum and that sexual orientation is also not only about modes of sexual behavior. Sexual orientation is a determining factor in the formation of intimate attachment. It determines, in a profound way, which relationships are possible for most people. The basic distinctions between gender expression, sexual object choice and potential for nonplatonic relationships are hopelessly conflated in the Evergreen/NARTH/LDS literature, and in fact it simply sweeps the entire issue of relationships under the rug.

From the APA pamphlet:

Sexual orientation is distinct from other components of sex and gender, including biological sex (the anatomical, physiological, and genetic characteristics associated with being male or female), gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female), and social gender role (the cultural norms that define feminine and masculine behavior).

Sexual orientation is commonly discussed as if it were solely a characteristic of an individual, like biological sex, gender identity, or age. This perspective is incomplete because sexual orientation is defined in terms of relationships with others. People express their sexual orientation through behaviors with others, including such simple actions as holding hands or kissing. Thus, sexual orientation is closely tied to the intimate personal relationships that meet deeply felt needs for love, attachment, and intimacy. In addition to sexual behaviors, these bonds include nonsexual physical affection between partners, shared goals and values, mutual support, and ongoing commitment. Therefore, sexual orientation is not merely a personal characteristic within an individual. Rather, one's sexual orientation defines the group of people in which one is likely to find the satisfying and fulfilling romantic relationships that are an essential component of personal identity for many people. [Emphasis added.]

I thought of this when I chanced upon this comment from an anonymous LDS reader of another blog:

I'm a married (15 years, 5 kids) gay man and I can attest that one should never go into a marriage when one partner is gay thinking everything will be all right. I told my wife before we got married that I had "been gay" but was now over it. I thought over time my "gayness" would diminish and I'd end up being an almost normal LDS married man. (Evergreen needs to be banned). Last August I had a near mental breakdown. Since that time, my wife and I have had some excruciatingly difficult discussions. We are still married and highly motivated to make it work. I cannot say with certainty that it will, but I do know that it is extremely difficult. Like it or not, sex is a huge part of any union. You simply cannot have a true marriage relationship without it.

When we say things like "sex is a huge part of any union" we mean more than the physical aspects. The make-or-break problem with mismatched sexual orientations isn't just an asymmetrical desire for sex (A wants it more than B does). Instead, the crucial problem is the inability to form a durable pair bond in such a relationship (this is evidenced by an enduring feeling of loneliness or separateness). Having matched orientations (not the sex act itself) is the secret sauce.

I've heard the argument that putting your cards on the table before entering into a mixed-orientation marriage resolves the ethical issues and levels the playing field. The idea is that if both parties go into marriage with their eyes open, then problems can be avoided. I view this argument with skepticism. Going into a marriage with low expectations for sexual relations does nothing to prepare you for the inability to develop deep emotional attachment and comfort in the long term. That's the gotcha, and Evergreen doesn't even acknowledge it exists.

To all of you in mixed-orientation marriages, I wish you the best. The outcomes and experience will vary by age, duration of the marriage and temperament. Nothing is foreordained.

To those of you who are single, please take this seriously. Get information from the mainstream scientific community and not just from official-sounding repackagers of religious views like Evergreen and NARTH.

http://mohohawaii.blogspot.com/2010/05/apa-v-evergreennarth.html

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Just Saying

2010-05-09T11:45:00.002-05:00

Or Boyd K Packer's Head Explodes

2010-05-08T19:20:00.000-05:00

Laying on of hands

2010-05-07T13:31:00.000-05:00

The end of the wicked old Mormons - San Francisco Chronicle

2010-05-07T09:57:00.001-05:00

Sent to you by David Bear via Google Reader:

The end of the wicked old Mormons - San Francisco Chronicle

via gay mormon -romney - Google News on 5/6/10

The end of the wicked old Mormons
San Francisco Chronicle
Because here we find a very bizarre cluster of powerful, pale, sickly old men who are now sliding back into view thanks to a new documentary, "8: The Mormon ...

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LA CAGE AUX FOLLES Montage

2010-05-01T09:54:00.000-05:00

I remember the first time that I listened to the soundtrack from the first Broadway production of LA CAGE AUX FOLLES. I was still closeted and conflicted. The song that really resonated with me of course is I Am What I Am. All these years later, it still sends chills up my spine when I hear it.

Wasted Youth

2010-04-29T09:57:00.000-05:00

I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but I feel like I wasted my youth pretending to be a nice heterosexual Mormon man.

I remember the feeling of total isolation and hopelessness when I was in my 30s when I would see a man like this. I wanted and ached so bad for a sexual connection with another man, but didn't think it would ever happen.

Then I would go into a spiral of self hate.

Glad things are better today.

Why I am going to hell

2010-04-28T18:42:00.000-05:00

Crucification Reeanactors

2010-04-13T16:27:00.000-05:00

I don't think I would care to see one either.

Frum Forum: A Gay Officer

2010-04-10T22:04:00.001-05:00

Sent to you by David Bear via Google Reader:

Frum Forum: A Gay Officer

via Gay News from Gay Agenda - GayAgenda.com by Gay Agenda News Team on 4/10/10

There's a must read (for those who are interested in what it's like to be a gay officer deployed in Afghanistan) on the Frum Forum that talks about what it's like to be in this war.

Below is an excerpt:

"The third surprise is how the religious fundamentalists in Afghanistan are strikingly similar to religious fundamentalists in America – who are also trying to force their literal interpretation of Holy Scripture onto everyone else through laws. While I served in Afghanistan the American "cultural war" exploded with California's Proposition 8 and the pending discharge of an 18-year decorated combat pilot under "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"."

More here!

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Gay Evolution 4!

2010-04-09T15:29:00.001-05:00

Sent to you by David Bear via Google Reader:

Gay Evolution 4!

via The Bilerico Project by sean@joey-aristophanes.com (Sean Martin) on 4/9/10

Well, *someone* had to step up and do it...

Click here for a larger version.

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Bible Absurdities Top Ten. #1: The Bears « the...

2010-03-30T21:05:00.001-05:00

Sent to you by davidaustex via Google Reader:

Bible Absurdities Top Ten. #1: The Bears « the...

via Friendly Atheist on 3/30/10

Bible Absurdities Top Ten. #1: The Bears « the BEattitude

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

—2 Kings 2:23-24

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Please dump me. You’re so small that I can’t even tell what’s going on half of the time.

2010-03-26T11:55:00.000-05:00

Please dump me. You’re so small that I can’t even tell what’s going on half of the time.

Top 10 Atheism Quotes

2010-03-25T19:04:00.000-05:00

While I don't consider myself to be an atheist, some of the quotes at the link make a lot of sense. Here are some that jumped out at me.

When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

Stephen Roberts

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.

Jules Renard

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.

Anonymous

Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions.

Blaise Pascal

Another Gay Married Mormon Man Blog

2010-03-25T17:04:00.000-05:00

As it turns out, there are a ton of blogs of men in my situation.

I used to feel so alone like I was the only gay Mormon man stupid enough to get married to a woman.

I would have thought that younger gay Mormon men would have stopped marrying women since the church actively discourages it (or at least so they say), but there seems to be plenty of evidence to the contrary.

I have a hard time reading them though, It is too painful.

Shredded

2010-03-24T17:23:00.001-05:00

Sent to you by David Bear via Google Reader:

Shredded

via Scrum Central by Rob on 3/24/10

Well, my fears weren't justified after all. It was far worse than I imagined.

Recently my father tearfully begged me not to come out to anyone else in the family, especially the one sister I hadn't yet spoken with. "Family cohesion" was at stake, he said. Out of respect for him and his opinion, I agreed to defer, though this was against my own better judgment. I warned him that if she found out some other way, she would be even angrier than if I'd told her personally. It wouldn't be hard to discern this from my Facebook page, I told him, and she's the type who would actually read at that level of detail and figure it out. Then you'd better take all that stuff off your Facebook page, he said. And that I wasn't going to do, because it would have meant basically dismantling the whole page, un-friending dozens of people I care a lot about. I'm done with the fear-filled self-censorship.

And guess what. Sure enough, she did exactly as I predicted. Yesterday she called, I couldn't pick up. This afternoon I called her back.

I couldn't possibly recreate here the hour-long torrent of anger that gushed through that phone at me. It was a fire hydrant on full blast. I knew she would have a difficult time but I had no idea it would be this bad. Condensed version as follows, quoting her.

"I am so angry with you that I'm shaking [and I could hear it in her voice]. How dare you? You have stabbed me in the back by making me the last to know. You should never have said anything to anyone about this and I wish you never had. You are tearing this family apart with your selfish publicizing of this thing. This is not about you. You have betrayed my trust. You have become an activist for immorality with your pro-gay posts on Facebook and you are going down a sinful path that will take you right out of the Church. Gay marriage is wrong and it will always be wrong. I think homosexuality is disgusting, and don't preach to me what President Hinckley said about accepting gay people in the Church, I could preach right back to you. Your support for so-called same-sex marriage is wrong, it is apostate. Go ahead and call me an ignorant homophobe if you want, but I refuse to listen to anything you say, I will not read anything you send me, I will not entertain any attempt by you to twist the Scriptures or the words of the prophets to justify your immoral lifestyle choices."

There were many variations of course but these were the central themes, and many of them were almost verbatim from my dad so I'm confident they have talked. I didn't try to argue with her; it was clear that logic or reason wasn't going to penetrate such vehement hostility. I stayed calm, and let her talk as much as she wanted. I told her I was very sad that a sister I cared so much about would refuse to listen and seemed to be afraid to learn something new. But nothing I said seemed to make any difference. This was raw, powerful rage in full force. Like a flash flood, the only thing I could do was get out of its way. So I ended the call as calmly as I began it, by saying how sad I was to have heard all this, and that she should let me know when she was ready to talk again.

If she were here, and calm, and willing to engage in rational discourse after all these negative emotions were spent, I would ask some simple questions, as follows.

1. Why is it selfish of me to want to share this sensitive, vulnerable part of my heart with the family I should be able to rely on for unconditional love and understanding?

2. You built your life around the spouse you love, your kids, and all that has flowed from that. Your entire life centers on that relationship. You refer to it, think about it all day, every day. You talk about it constantly to others. Why is it fair for you to angrily insist that I never speak of my own life in the same terms, of my own aspirations to find someone to love and build a life with exactly as you have, just because you get icky feelings when you imagine what we might do behind closed doors? Are you truly incapable of understanding that it's not about sex, it's about love and connection and companionship for me just as much as it is for you? Is my heart not entitled to the same love and happiness you take for granted? Why do you think you have the right to try to prevent that?

3. Why is it okay for you to furiously accuse me of propagandizing activism and promotion of "the gay lifestyle" just because you notice that some of my Facebook friends are gay, and then to demand that I go back into the closet when I finally object to the years of my own family's homophobic jokes and cheap shots at fags who are allegedly out to destroy the family and civilization?

4. Why do you insist that it's only about your comfort and avoidance of what you think is a difficult subject, while you ignore my suffering for years in silence at bigoted, homophobic mockery by my own family and the church they raised me in?

5. Do you think I enjoy all this drama and rejection? Can you possibly believe I'd willingly subject myself to this kind of ostracism by my own family just because I think it's fun to go through this?

6. Why won't you just listen to me, please?

It's one thing to have your heart broken in a romantic relationship. It's quite another to have it broken by family members you've loved all your life and relied on for support and understanding no matter what, only to discover that their love is actually conditional. I never thought this would happen to me. But I guess I am loved and accepted within my own family only as long as I toe the official Mormon line. Isn't it sad that this family-focused, family-centered, family-obsessed church creates a culture in which so many families are so willing to angrily evict some of their own for simply talking about things that make the others uncomfortable. The only thing I can do now is just back off and give them all time to calm down and perhaps come to their senses. Fortunately my kids are solidly with me and we are a happy family ourselves. The rest will just have to get on without us for a while until they are ready to re-engage on a more civil basis. Today was not the time to say such things, but at some point I will tell them the kind of words and treatment and assumptions I'm no longer going to accept.

I'm feeling very beat up tonight. Very sad, very abandoned. Thanks to those of you who've shared your time on the phone with me today, I can't tell you how much it's meant just to be able to talk about all this with you. I guess that's why we call ourselves family, because we're there for each other when our natural families--who should be--aren't. Even with all this dreck to wade through, I'm still very blessed in so many ways, and I will never go back into the closet though the entire extended family may fume and rage and try to push me there. If they want me to remain in the group, they're just going to have to learn to deal, and to give me some respect. Because I won't sacrifice my integrity for anyone's temporary comfort.

I'm sure the soap opera isn't over.

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Watch: Constance McMillen Talks to Ellen, Receives $30K Scholarship

2010-03-19T14:31:00.001-05:00

Sent to you by David Bear via Google Reader:

Watch: Constance McMillen Talks to Ellen, Receives $30K Scholarship

via Towleroad News #gay by Andy Towle on 3/19/10

Constance McMillen, the Mississippi lesbian student whose school canceled the prom over her desire to bring a female date, spoke to Ellen DeGeneres, who delivered an outstanding segment and presented her with a $30,000 scholarship from Tonic.com and a summer internship with them in NYC.

Watch, AFTER THE JUMP...

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Straight Acting

2010-03-18T15:46:00.001-05:00

I suppose I don't come off as straight as much as I thought.

I was in a discussion with one of my co-workers, we were discussing different kinds of coffee. I remarked that I really can't tell the difference between most coffees. An expensive cup of coffee from Starbucks is wasted on me, I might as well have got it from 7-11. I also mentioned that I had only been drinking the stuff for the last couple of years because good Mormons don't drink coffee, and I had only started since they kicked me out.

My co-worker then asked me if the reason I got kicked out of he Mormon church is because I had come out of the closet. I replied that there (and there are) a lot of reasons and left it at that. After that I went down the hall to one of my lesbian co-workers and we had a chuckle. One of my gay co-workers (and there are a lot of us as it turns out) told me once that I was a gaydar jammer. A lot of people might think I am gay but the wife and kids throws them off.

I have other people in and out of the church speculate on someones sexuality, but then they will say that because that person has a bunch of kids that they must really be straight. As if.

School Prayer

2010-03-17T15:14:00.000-05:00

Though I pray, I don't think it belongs in the schools.

Christianity is Persecuted

2010-03-17T08:29:00.001-05:00

http://lolgod.blogspot.com/2010/03/christianity-is-persecuted.html

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Because I Was a Good Mormon Boy

2010-03-15T17:18:00.001-05:00

I totally relate.

Sent to you by David Bear via Google Reader:

Because I Was a Good Mormon Boy

via Alone and Unobserved by Sean on 3/15/10

Growing up, I thought coffee was the devil. Booze was the devil squared. People who drank coffee or beer were evil, filthy, satanic. They were destroying their souls. And besides, caffeine and alcohol were poisons, right? Those people were poisoning themselves.

Even worse, Mormon propaganda films so conflate alcohol and drugs that there was almost no distinction in my mind between a) drinking vodka, b) smoking pot and c) shooting up heroin, and there was certainly no way to do any of these things responsibly. Any and all of them would inevitably lead to you overdosing and dying… presumably while your pure Mormon family stood around your bed, weeping at your lost potential and blaming themselves for your terrible life choices.

While I was growing up, I heard all the time about Mormon girls who slept around, who got abortions, who lived with their boyfriends without getting married—pretty much the worst things you can do in Mormonism besides murdering someone—but who wouldn't touch caffeine, alcohol or tobacco. When you heard these stories, you were supposed to laugh at how screwed up the worldviews of these women were, because keeping dietary restrictions is way less important than staying chaste and morally pure.

"Hahaha! They have sex at the drop of a hat, but they won't smoke a cigarette! What idiots."

(It's also interesting that the subjects of these stories were all female—men were expected to remain pure and chaste as well, but somehow it felt worse when a woman crossed that line.)

And yet, what was my experience of giving up Mormon teachings like? I drank my first cup of coffee furtively at ten o'clock at night in a Salt-Lake-area Village Inn, feeling guilty and sinful. But before I allowed myself that first sip, I had already

Made out with any number of boys, including strangers
Had two boyfriends
Given my first handjob
Received my first handjob
Given my first blowjob
Received my first blowjob
Stopped wearing my temple garments

My first mouthful of liquor was from a friend's Cosmopolitan at a party. It looked delicious, but to my virgin tongue it tasted like turpentine. Poison! I thought. I didn't really have my first drink until two years later, by which time I had

Resigned from the Mormon church and had my priesthood authority and temple covenants revoked
Had SEX-sex—like, all the way—with any number of people, including hook-ups and one-night stands
Railed openly against the Mormon church and its history of corruption and deception

I stopped even paying lip service to "divinely inspired" Mormon dietary restrictions quite early on in my deconversion, but still they were almost the last part of my upbringing that I let go. And I can't explain why.

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Peter's Denial of Christ

2010-03-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

Nice thing about attending MCC, I am always getting new insights into things that I have heard many times before.

Our pastor related a short story about the house mate of one her daughters. The house mate is a lesbian. Apparently the lesbian's mother was coming by for a visit, so she was going busy 'straightening up' the house so her mother wouldn't figure out that she was gay.

Now that is something I can relate to. I am out to a lot of people. Everyone at church assumes I am gay, same with my LGBT square dance group and to many of my co-workers. There are some family members who know also, but there are a lot of folks who I am not totally honest with.

So, how can I smugly judge Peter? I can't.

Context!!!!!!

2010-02-23T14:19:00.001-06:00

For the bible tells me so.

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Context!!!!!!

via YouTube on 2/23/10

Here are a few kernels of truth, wrapped liberally in extreme exaggeration. I know. It's pretty over the top. But so is the assertion that the bible is a holy book. That's a massive exaggeration. Most of it isn't even "pleasant". The bible is revolting. It is sickening. It is nowhere NEAR as nice

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A song for the day

2010-02-06T16:02:00.002-06:00

Help us, O God, to see through statistics and categories, into the hearts and minds of individuals.

2010-02-03T15:55:00.000-06:00

Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them.
—Hebrews 13:3

explorefaith.org - February 3: "When I read this quotation from Hebrews, I thought of Ernest, who helped me understand that homeless people—along with all those who are in need of clothing or shelter, food or opportunities—are not categories; they are individuals and children of God, who make valuable friends."

I can't help but think of other disenfranchised people this would apply to. Certainly the GLBT community.

Exodus’ Randy Thomas Is Just Advertising for His Personal Net Nanny Now

2010-01-29T16:54:00.000-06:00

This is so bizarre, I don't even know what to say:

A while ago I wrote my testimony about how Covenant Eyes has greatly benefited my online accountability and facilitates a safe place online. I have tried various accountability software services out there and this is by far the best.

I have been using their service for almost three years. Maybe longer. We at Exodus have even partnered with Covenant Eyes. All of our staff at Exodus uses the service. Many of my friends outside of Exodus use it. I even use it on my personal computer at home. That said, I am running their banners (at the top of the blog mixed in with ours) because I honestly believe that it never hurts to be more transparent with trusted brothers and sisters in Christ about our online activity.

Weird! Weird weird weird weird weird weird!

This is fundamentalist Christian infantilization at its basest. Randall, you are an adult! You, theoretically, "minister" to adults. What kind of grotesque "healing" could you possibly be offering if you're admitting that the entire staff of your corporation has to install an Internet Mommy to keep them from accidentally catching a glimpse of a male nipple?* And for that matter, what products do you have on your steering wheel to keep you from accidentally pulling into a Crate and Barrel? What kind of steel chastity belts do you wear at the gym? Or do you go the cilice route? Seriously, inquiring minds would love to know, just like we'd love to know these things about Mario Bergner, the "ex-gay" Anglican priest Wayne wrote about the other day.

One more question: How weak of a Jesus are you preaching that he's so powerless to help you "conquer" your biological urges in the face of an empty Google search field?

Nah, don't answer these questions. I'll do it for you:

Sexuality is not a dependency like alcoholism. It is not something that you have to be exposed to, even if it runs in your family, in order for it to manifest. You and I both know, Randy, that our physical attractions to men showed up long before we ever acted on them. Why? Because they are innate. They are natural. They are biological.

Randy, you and Alan Chambers and Richard Cohen, and all the rest of the Diaspora of Denial, are marketing a scam, a transmogrification of healing, wherein to find freedom, one must consign him- or herself to a life of a self-inflicted bondage in order to appease a god too weak to intervene.

How shameful, and what a stain on your faith.

*OOH, look at me, I'm the temptress! See if your Covenant Eyes protect you from Ryan Reynolds' sexy chest!

Tags: Covenant Eyes, Exodus International, Mario Bergner, net nanny, Randy Thomas, Ryan Reynolds, sexuality is healthy you guys

http://www.truthwinsout.org/blog/2010/01/6526/

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explorefaith.org - January 23

2010-01-23T11:43:00.000-06:00

Interesting take on going overboard with presents. Jacob's gift basket to Esau includes both male and female slaves. I wonder if that says anything about Esau?

explorefaith.org - January 23: "I love selecting specific presents for friends and family members, and they seem to appreciate them. But reading this Genesis passage, I was struck by how those gifts Jacob prepared for Esau seemed like substitutes for the truth: 'I have done a terrible wrong to you. I am afraid you will not forgive me. I don’t know how to convince you I have changed except by giving elaborate, extravagant presents.'"

explorefaith.org - January 21

2010-01-21T17:21:00.000-06:00

More on Jacob. Given the fact that he cheated his brother, I think it is pretty darn amazing that Jacob was so well blessed. Good quote below.

explorefaith.org - January 21

Genesis vividly portrays, through unforgettable characters, Isaiah’s musing that God’s thoughts are not our thoughts; God’s ways are not our ways. (Isaiah 55:9). Luckily for Jacob, theologian Frederick Buechner writes in Peculiar Treasures, "God does not love people because of who they are but because of who God is," and that truth is borne out throughout the remarkable pages of this amazing Biblical book.

Thank you, dear Lord, for your abiding presence, especially when we do not deserve it. Amen.

Esau and Jacob revisited

2010-01-20T13:18:00.000-06:00

The lesson here I suppose is that dysfunctional families have always been with us. The bible is full of stories of one sibling screwing another. Literally and figuratively.

explorefaith.org - January 20: "O God, shine the light of your healing love into our hearts, and into our families. Amen."

Lesson from Sarai

2010-01-14T11:58:00.000-06:00

explorefaith.org - January 14: "Enable me, dear Lord, to honor my vulnerabilities as well as my abilities. Amen."

explorefaith.org - January 7

2010-01-07T16:32:00.000-06:00

A different take.

explorefaith.org - January 7: "Adam and Eve are expelled from the Garden, to the east of Eden, but before they leave, “God made garments of skins for the man and for his wife, and clothed them,” like a parent sending her child off on the first day of school. Though we fail, God enables us, always, to begin again."

Rammell calls meeting for LDS elders only

2009-12-22T13:56:00.000-06:00

Got this from Pam's House Blend - Front Page. Even by Idaho Mormon standards, this is just plain weird.

A Republican candidate for governor is going to have a closed door priesthood only discussion about the White Horse prophecy - the one that talks about the constitution hanging from a thread and only by the efforts of Mormon Elders will it survive. I suppose to many LDS folks in Idaho, having an African American president has signaled the end.

Coming Out at Christmas - London Gay Men's Chorus

2009-12-13T13:08:00.000-06:00

Very funny!

Mormon Co-Dependence

2009-12-12T12:54:00.000-06:00

Thanks to TGD for referencing the post about Mormonism and co-dependence.

When I first became familiar with the term co-dependence, I was serving in my third bishopric. I was in therapy to deal with my adult child of an alcoholic issues, and my therapist suggested that I read that I read the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I bought the cassette and listened to it over and over again in my car during my commute. My first thought was 'busted.'

I had to figure what parts of my church service were done because of my beliefs and testimony, and which parts were a result of growing up the oldest of five children in an alcoholic family. The discovery process was not pretty. Especially when I factored in that I was a repressed homosexual who gave up his entire identity in order to get some kind of validation from the church.

But, much like my experiences as a child of two raging alcoholics, nothing I did at church was ever good enough. Stake leadership meetings started reminded me a lot of the beatings I received from my parents. To survive, I just had to put on the shit-eating happy Mormon smile and hope that people didn't notice me.

When I started coming out of the alcoholic family closet, I was surprised how many of the local church leaders in my stake confided to me that they had similar backgrounds. Duh!

Growing up with two dads - News

2009-12-11T10:48:00.000-06:00

Growing up with two dads - News

Also, people at her family's Mormon church didn't talk to her anymore after they found out. They were following the Mormon teaching, which says homosexuality is a sin. Her family stopped going to church after her dad told them he was gay.

"A lot of people think it's a choice," she said. "My dad always told me that if it's a choice, then why would you choose to be something that's discriminated against every day? I think it's just people being close minded."

Coming Out for the Holidays

2009-11-30T13:01:00.000-06:00

Great clip.

American Right-Wing Christians Behind Uganda's "Kill Gays" Bill

2009-11-30T12:47:00.000-06:00

Kill a Queer for Christ?

American Right-Wing Christians Behind Uganda's "Kill Gays" Bill: "Last month we learned that Uganda, where being gay can already bring a life sentence, was considering a death penalty for homosexual acts in certain situations. The proposed new law is now before Uganda's parliament.

Life imprisonment is the minimum punishment for anyone convicted of having gay sex, under an anti-homosexuality bill currently before Uganda's parliament. If the accused person is HIV positive or a serial offender, or a 'person of authority' over the other partner, or if the 'victim' is under 18, a conviction will result in the death penalty. Members of the public are obliged to report any homosexual activity to police with 24 hours or risk up to three years in jail – a scenario that human rights campaigners say will result in a witchhunt. Ugandans breaking the new law abroad will be subject to extradition requests. 'The bill is haunting us,' said Mugisha, 25, chairman of Sexual Minorities Uganda, a coalition of local lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex groups that will all be banned under the law. 'If this passes we will have to leave the country.'

The bill has been denounced by the Swedish government and by UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has condemned the bill as well.

Over at Box Turtle Bulletin, Timothy Kincaid and Jim Burroway have been tracking the connection to the bill by American right-wing Christians, in particular by the secretive 'Family,' which includes as members prominent GOP politicians like Sen. John Ensign and SC Gov. Mark Sanford. The push for the 'kill gays' bill in Uganda is being promoted and funded by the Family. Go to Box Turtle Bulletin for an exhaustive recounting of the ties between Uganda, the Family, and the Christianist right.

Among those with close ties to Ugandans promoting the 'kill gays' bill is Saddleback megachurch Pastor Rick Warren, who has hosted many appearance by Ugandan Pastor Martin Ssempa, one of the bill's leading advocates. Warren has since denounced Ssempa's extreme anti-gay stance. But yesterday on Meet The Press, Warren refused to distance himself from 'kill gays' bill itself, saying, 'I never take sides.' Of course, we know differently from Warren's endorsement of Proposition 8.

What we are seeing in Uganda is a vivid depiction of what some on the Christian right would like to see in America. They are testing the waters there, dipping their vile toes into Uganda's government, seeing just how far they can take an anti-gay pogrom. Watch closely.

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As I Mature

2009-11-26T17:48:00.000-06:00

HomoQuotable - Sir Ian McKellan

2009-11-15T12:43:00.000-06:00

HomoQuotable - Sir Ian McKellan: "'I increasingly see organized religion as actually my enemy. They treat me as their enemy. Not all Christians, of course. Not all Jews, not all Muslims. But the leaders. . . . Why should I take the judgment of a declared celibate about my sexual needs? He's basing his judgment on laws that would fit life in the Bronze Age. So if I'm lost to God, organized religion is to blame.' - Sir Ian McKellen, speaking to the Los Angeles Times. McKellen appears in the remake of the 1960s classic series The Prisoner, which debuts tonight on AMC.

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